Sports jokes
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.
Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!
What can orphans not get when playing a sport?
A home run!
Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.
I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.
He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.
Girl: Boys are like sports, they get played.
Boy: Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
Why do orphans not play sport?
Because they need parents' permission.
A ball hit me in the vagina.
Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?
Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES winter sports?
Ice Cube.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't run home.
Emo kids are so good at kicking football. I hear they have good hang time.
What did the helicopter say to the mountain?
Kobe!!!
Just send me to hell already.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
I bet Kobe failed flying school.
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger!
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Tennis because it's the only love they'll get.
What did the ball say to the other ball? "You're baller!"