SOS jokes

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

I would roast you but you're already so hot.

my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.

So I stabbed him. Now we wait.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."

So we stopped playing chess.

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

They already lost two towers.

So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.

Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.

My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.

My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.

Your forehead is so big, your entire face is on your chin.

Jack and Jill went up the hill. So Jack could lick her candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock.

Because Jill's real name was Randy.

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.

Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"