SOS jokes

Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.

If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.

They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!

My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I would roast you but you're already so hot.

my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.

So I stabbed him. Now we wait.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.

Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?

So the police can see that he’s white.

My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.

Your forehead is so big, your entire face is on your chin.

Jack and Jill went up the hill. So Jack could lick her candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock.

Because Jill's real name was Randy.

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.

Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"