Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
I heard Danielle Smith likes trains.
So I told her to go stand in front of one.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.
Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.
Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
Yo mama's so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl!
Yo mama's so stupid, she frickin' died at the Super Bowl!
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
Your teeth are so out of line, even James Charles is straighter than them.
Like if you like porn.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!
I moved so much stone today.
I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.
