Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
SOS Jokes
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
Lemme tell you a little story.
It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally... you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s Anne Frank.
I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.
I was going to tell a ghost joke, but it just seemed so mean-spirited.
Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?
So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.
I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.
Mom clean your room Me no it’s my room and I don’t want to clean it Mom you are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter me Well I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now am I you are the Worst like why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter I’m not her OK I am not her so stop Mom do you know what I pushed you out of my hula 43 minutes do not make me hate you because guess what I brought you into the world and I can take you out of it Me bro
Palestinians leave without saying goodbye.
Israel says goodbye when the Americans say so.
Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?
So no one would know what side he was on.
Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.
Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.
About to go on a date.
But she was late.
So I got some tape.
And eventually punished her with rape.
Your mom smells so bad she could stun a horse in a field.
I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.
The best part? She don't talk back.
Why is a ghost so predictable?
Because you can see right through it.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they're so DARN STUPID!!!!
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
Your hairline is so far gone that you could build a runway.
