SOS Jokes

Yo forehead so big, NASA thought it was Mars.

Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.

My crush: "I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday." Me: "So?" My crush: "4 inches is a lot!" Me: "Oh yeah?"

This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.

When I saw this, I couldn’t stop laughing

A screenshot of a comment section. The first comment by Rukulukukukupoopoo says: "I love your wife." The second comment is from George W. Bush and says: "So you're the one I've seen in my garden recently..."

Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.

A boy and his friend were walking down the street.

Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"

Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."

Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."

Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.

He came in twice.

(like if u understand)

Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.

My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I would roast you but you're already so hot.

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.

So I stabbed him. Now we wait.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

Jack and Jill went up the hill. So Jack could lick her candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock.

Because Jill's real name was Randy.

My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.