SOS Jokes

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say "You're next". So I started poking them at funerals and saying "You're next" to my friends.

My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her at holloween

Why was the ant 🐜 so confused?

All of its uncles were ants.

Why does the ice cream 🍨 have so many friends?

Because he’s cool.

Trees are so social. They're always branching out.

My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.

Did yk that you can die from laughing??? Well that’s why I laugh so much

The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago and matter cannot be created or destroyed there for we are all technically 16.8 billion years old so to answer your question officer yes she is of age

My therapist told me Time Heals with wounds so I stabbed him...

Now we wait.

Yo mama so stupid she studied for a COVID-19 test

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

They can never make it home

By the way, this joke is easily found on Google, this was not created by me, I just have not seen it in these fat jokes so I thought I'd say it.

Doctor: I diagnoss you with obesitiy. Patient: It runs in the family. Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.