SOS Jokes

my suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks

Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonalds.

Yo' Mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

Dr. Seuss Died September 24 but that was a lie Dr. Seuss when he was 97 he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes Dr. Seuss allahuakbar”

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"

little johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it and it said take 1 god is watching. He continues walking and sees a bowl of cookies that said take 1 please so little johnny made his own note and he wrote take as many cookies as you want god is watching the apples

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know," the German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia," the others ask "How do you know," he replies "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico," the others ask "How do you know," he says " Because my watch is gone"

what did they do with michael jackson when he died

he got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change

Can't wait to meet you! So join the Depression family! We open real soon! Try best to hold onto sanity!

the teacher told me to put my MP3 away so i brought out my MP5, now that bitch knows what not to tell me

Why are emo jokes so infamous?

They cut deep

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.