SOS Jokes

your forehead so big that if i drew an H on it kobe could have landed there

A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then?’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’

I am Funny but sad. I submit jokes you'll love. Anyway...

Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared if being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

I wanted to see if she was Anorexic, So I through a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a Hula hoop or inhale it.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?

Because Black people can’t swim

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

yo mama so stupid she put a ruler under a pillow to see how long she slept

Why did the orphan like to jump. So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with there parents. 1 like=10 more orphans in my basment

My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes so I said I’ll cut it out

Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top a gas station, she will lower the prices.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him", so i couldn't do a fatality. I was confused but i understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox live

Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian

Why was the ant so confused? Because all his uncles were ants

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. -- I now have $999,999.75.

yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry

Friend: Want to play fall guys?

Friend 2: Yup

Friend: Ok so let me ju- wait where are you going?

Friend 2: I'm gonna jump off

Friend: Why?

Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said Chinese food, so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said Indian, so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.