Someone's jokes
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.
I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.