Someone's jokes
When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?
Don't break someone's heart because they only have one; instead, break their bones... they have 206.
If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,
I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.
A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"
Why couldn’t the midget talk?
Because someone stepped on him.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.
I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.