Someone's jokes
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bastard.
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.
I love orphans, so at least they know someone loves them.
Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.
Why do orphans like going to church?
They can actually call someone "father."
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
Someone stole my balls :(
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
Why did an orphan have s**? To have someone to call daddy.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.