Sleep jokes

Why go to sleep because he was bossy?

Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to wake up sleeping pills.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Goliath.

Goliath who?

I need to Goliath down and sleep!

Why did the bike fall over? Because I was too tired.

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

I hate nightmares.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

What do you call a sleeping cow?

Ground beef.

From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”

Guy on Fortnite: "Ima sleep with your mom lmao."

Orphan: Starts crying.

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

How do you make a child’s parents happy?

Put the child to sleep.

What question can you never answer yes to?

Answer: Are you asleep yet?

I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.

I put a guy in a fridge. He said, "I had a nightmare!"

I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?