Sleep jokes

I hate nightmares.

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to wake up sleeping pills.

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Goliath.

Goliath who?

I need to Goliath down and sleep!

If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?

My friend tried to sleep on napkins.

I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

Why did the bike fall over?

It was too tired.

What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.

You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.

What do you call a sleeping cow?

Ground beef.

From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”

Your Friend: Bro, I'm having a movie sleepover tonight. I've invited 17 people, wanna come?

You: Yeah, but why so many people?

Your Friend: Because the DVD says only 18+ viewers.

You: Dude!!!!

Why go to sleep because he was bossy?

I put a guy in a fridge. He said, "I had a nightmare!"

I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.