Sleep jokes

I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.

I put a guy in a fridge. He said, "I had a nightmare!"

Why go to sleep because he was bossy?

What do you call a sleeping cow?

Ground beef.

From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”

How do you make a child’s parents happy?

Put the child to sleep.

What question can you never answer yes to?

Answer: Are you asleep yet?

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

Your Friend: Bro, I'm having a movie sleepover tonight. I've invited 17 people, wanna come?

You: Yeah, but why so many people?

Your Friend: Because the DVD says only 18+ viewers.

You: Dude!!!!

I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

Why did the bike fall over?

It was too tired.

What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?

Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.

If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?

My friend tried to sleep on napkins.

I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?

Why did the bike fall over? Because I was too tired.

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"