Sleep jokes

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

What do you call a woman who sleeps with multiple men?

A whore.

Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?

Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

Why did the bike fall over?

It was too tired.

My friend tried to sleep on napkins.

I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.

Why did the bike fall over? Because I was too tired.

What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Goliath.

Goliath who?

I need to Goliath down and sleep!

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to wake up sleeping pills.

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.

Guy on Fortnite: "Ima sleep with your mom lmao."

Orphan: Starts crying.

I put a guy in a fridge. He said, "I had a nightmare!"

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

I hate nightmares.

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.