When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
Why did the midget not go to bed?
He couldn't reach the bed.
I was going to tell you a cow joke...
But it's pasture bed time.
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
