How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You Poker Face.
Sleep Jokes
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed!
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.
You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.
Daddy bear said, "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"
Mummy bear said, "It was probably your whore, Linda!"
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
