There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
The cabinet had sleeping pills.
Why can't Jordan moan?
Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.