Situation jokes
"What do you want to eat?"
"You choose."
"Children."
"What?"
*Picks up pot*
"You said anything!"
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground? A bolder choice.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
A joke, huh?
My sense of humor.
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
I saw a kid crying, so I asked them, "Where are your parents?" Then she cried harder, so I left the orphanage.
Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
Do you want to hear a dark joke? Let me turn the lights off.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at funerals.
Dad: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Dad: Because you’re going to need them there.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find his family. Sorry!
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.
"Like if u cry everytime."
Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously, just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
Did you know that if you go into an orphanage and tell them a "yo mama" joke, they won’t get it?
I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.