Situation jokes

That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.

Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.

What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"

Which restaurants can an orphan not go to?

A family restaurant.

No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.

There's no one.

Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.

Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?

He was told to high-jack it.

Here's a joke: Your life.

So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"

The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.

After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.

Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.

There was a woman sitting with me.

I had to leave until she pointed at something—it was my butt.

I was confused until it was her turn for truth or dare.

Me when:

What's 72?

69 with 3 people watching.

Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)

I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.

A blind man walks into a bar...

And then a chair.

And then a table.

What's between an orphan and an apple tray?

The apples get picked.

What's a energy drink orphans never tried? "Mother".