Situation Jokes

Which restaurants can an orphan not go to?

A family restaurant.

Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.

No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.

There's no one.

Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

The image shows a four-panel reaction meme. The top panel shows a person laughing with the caption "You:". The second panel shows another person laughing with the caption "Your brother:". The third panel shows a white cat with an awkward smile with the caption "The guest:". The fourth panel shows a person with a serious face with the caption "Your mom:". Above the panels, the text reads "When you tell a slightly offensive joke at the dinner table."

Here's a joke: Your life.

So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"

The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.

After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.