I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
Your hair line goes so far back even Dwayne Johnson refused to sit there
i saw a kid sitting on the curb and i asked him are you an orphan? he said ya what gave me away you're parents did.
What kind of veggie is always getting it self into a hard situation?
A pickle.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.
What did the lady say when she sat on Pinocchio face: Tell a truth tell a lie tell a truth tell a lie tell a truth
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rappiest with erectile disfunction
Dad: boy Come sit in this hole while I brace the ground Boy: I don't want to see grandpa he scares me
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby. Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand comedy, oh wait.....
Why did the man sit in his porch and bark at the postman when he came? Because his dog had a sore throat!
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them mommy or daddy.
why couldnt sally get back up? because she has no friends
looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.
There was a woman, with me, sitting. I had to leave until she pointed at something, it was, my butt. I was confused until, it was her turn. Of, Truth or Dare.
two nuns were sitting on a bench, a flasher flashed them and one of the nuns had a stroke ... but the other one was to far away : )
Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.
Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow? He got a pat on the head
