Situation jokes
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...
If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
Memes
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.
Yo mamma so stupid, she starved to death in a grocery store.
What's worse than ten babies on one tree? One baby on ten trees.
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.
Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
I tried to tell an orphan a knock-knock joke, but sadly, there was no door to knock on.
How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Home Alone.
I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.