Situation jokes

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

Q. Why do orphans love elevators?

A. Because they're the only things to raise them.

What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?

Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.

What do you do when a woman is choking?

Back up a couple inches.

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

What do you call an orphan? No home-o.

So a blind man walks into a bar.

At least he thinks so.

Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.

Why can't an orphan get offended?

What are they gonna do, tell their mom?

A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.

The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."

The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."

Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."

Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.

Friend 1: I don't want to jump.

Friend 2: Me neither.

Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.

Friend 1: *jumps*

Friend 2: *jumps*

Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!

Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.

There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight...

The parents aren’t home.

Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.

So I sold them.

A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.

Why do orphans stay home alone?

Because they don't have parents.

Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?

Because it's all about family!

Is it possible for an orphan to go on an away trip?

No, because they already are on one.