Situation

Situation jokes

A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"

She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."

The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"

There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."

That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.

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    • So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

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    • Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

    Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously, just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.

    I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.

    A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

    I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

    A friend texts to another:

    "Hey." They reply, "What's up?"

    The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"

    To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."

    What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?

    A bolder choice.

    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.

    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

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    • I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"