Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.
"I was lost in the woods yesterday."
"I was in some sticky situation..."
Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.
A joke, huh?
My sense of humor.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: ....ur parents.
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.
Little boy: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Little boy: Your parents.
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
Past, present, and future walked into a bar... things got tense :). Pls send help, yet once again :).
No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.
There's no one.
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
My life, there, that was the joke.
A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"
She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."
The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
