Shut Up Jokes

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink, the bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk, the lady complained about this but then the bartender said, "just shut up and swallow"

What do the twin towers and genders have in common

Noone shuts up about them.

A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up ... you're next!"

So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's so he goes home and ask his mom who's cooking "Whats the first letter of the ABC's?" he ask and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!" so then he walks to sister who's signing in the shower and asks her "Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" she responds with "I'm ready to go I'm ready to go!" then he walks over to his brother who's watching batman and asks "Whats the 3rd letter of the ABC's" and his brother responds with "nu nu nu nu batman" then he proceeds to walk to his dad who's watching football and ask "Dad whats the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" then he walks to his grandma who's cooking buns and ask her "Whats the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" then he Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day and the teacher says to her class "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's" Johnny of course raises his hand and the teacher calls on him then he says "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says "Young man are you ready to go to the principals office?" then he proceeds to say "I'm ready to go I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principals office then she says "What's you're name son?" he responds with "Nu nu nu nu batman!" then the principal ask "How many spanken's boy?!" he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD" and after that he runs out of the principal's office well yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks why is my name daisy? The mom says because when you were born a daisy fell on your head. The second kid asks their mom why is my name butterfly? The mom says because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head. Then the third kid yells ahjoejienfkef. The mom says shut up brick!

Mom shut up me I don't shut up I grow up when I look at you I throw up

me shut up! if you don't shut up i'm gonna tell your parents

you why? I don't have any

Farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm says this is the pig I'm fucking she say u idiot that's a sheep he says shut up I wasn't talking to you

Mommy mommy! Are we dragons? Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

Mommy mommy! Are you an archer? Shut up and keep the apple on your head still.

A little girl said to her mom "MOM MY BUTTS CRACKED KISS IT KISS IT"her mom said "sweetie SHUT UP ITS ALWAYS BEEN THERE" then her daughter died cuz of her melodramaticness.

bully: your a loser and fat me: shut up the camera thought you were a house

Mommy mommy! Are we Drug dealers? Shut up and cut the coke.

Gwen, u need to shut up! For once!

Friend: Slavery isnt good Other friend: Yea its terrible Me: shut up and get me a juice

I finally got my wife to shut up.Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years ha! try telling me to get my feet off the couch now karen!

Biden: Shut up Trump, DISRESPECTFUL) President: you are the one with the inappropriate hair touching bro.😎😎😎😎😎😎 Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.