Shut up

Shut Up Jokes

The married are on holiday on Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing She: - Shut up

(Standing means: penis erextion)

This midget in my school has two moms I said did ur dad go get the milk he told me to shut up I said I don’t shut up I grow up like u should

Fat people:do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken

Me:Yes you look like a bunch of boulders crashing in to each other

Fat: dang... Me:shut up jon Browser minnoch

YO THREE KID'S PLAY HIDE IN GO SEEK THEIR NAME'S ARE TROUBLE MANNERS AND SHUTUP SHUTUP HIT THE POLICE STATION MANNERS HIT THE TRASHCAN TROUBLE IS THE SEEKER WHEN THEY GO AND HIDE AND ALL THAT SHIT THE POLICE MAN COME'S UP TO SHUT UP AND GOES HEY KID WHAT'S YOUR NAME WELL SHUTUP LOOK'S AT HIM AND GOES SHUTUP POLICE MAN SAY'S EXCUSE ME KID WERE'S YOUR MANNERS AT SHUT UP GOES OH MANNERS IN THE TRASH POLICE MAN GOES OH MANNERS IN THE TRASH AND THEN POLICE MAN GOES HEY KID ARE U LOOKING FOR TROUBLE THEN SHUTUP GOES AND SAY'S NO TROUBLE'S LOOKING FOR ME

daughter:dad why are you so mean dad:because you are so mean that's why daughter:you so get on my nerves dad:i am gonna slap you in yo god darn head if you don't shut up daughter:wow dad you savage dad:21 SAVAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! daughter:oh my god i am telln' mom that you are doin' that thing again

I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

I'll shut up now.

Girl:Hey Boy: Hi? Girl:I need to tell u something... Boy:WHAT? Girl:I like u Boy:And I hate u Boy:YOUR A CHICKEN 🐔🐔 🐔 Girl:I HATE U YOU POOP💩💩💩💩 Girl:LOSER L Boy: I thought u said U liked me Girl:SHUT UP CHICKEN/POOP💩💩🐔 🐔 Boy: GIRL BYE Girl:Bye felisha

One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV His daughter comes in and says "dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! Its because when you were born a rose peddle fell on your head." "Cool" Rose said.

The second daughter walked in and said "dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied,"Oh! its because when you were a baby, a daisy peddle fell on your head." "Awesome" Daisy said.

The third daughter came in and said "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"

We are having a sleepover and we are being as quiet as possible Addison:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THOSE ARE GREAT JOKES!!! Layne:IKR Mom:SHUT UP, YOUR BROTHER IS TRYIMG TO SLEEP Addison:ok fine Layne:look at this joke Addison:HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA *Addison and Layne continue laughing really loudly*

A boy was terrible at writing sentences so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences and return to school the next day. When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call so he angrily shouted at the child “Shut up you Donkey!” The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom who assumed that he wanted to play video games so she said “No my dear, tomorrow.” That was his second sentence. For the third sentence he went to his older brother who was watching football where someone scored a goal so he was jumping up and down yelling “Goal! Goal!” For the fourth sentence he went to his sister who was singing “Spider-Man Spider-Man!”. For the last sentence he went to his grandmother who was cleaning the toilet and singing “Under the toilet, under the toilet”. He went to school the next day and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, “Shut up you Donkey!” The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, “Do you want me to slap you?” The boy said, “No my dear, tomorrow.” This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately he started jumping up and down yelling “Goal! Goal!” The teacher dragged him to the principal’s office as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was to which he replied by singing “ Spider-Man Spider-Man!” She asked him where he lived so he sang “Under the toilet, under the toilet”.

Comments of Gwen in her bra!

Jordan Jadoke: Wow such a good looking kid!

Heo: dude stop! Who the hell got this!

prince/ mr tallie: hey stop!

YOU: Sexy sexy sexxy! How much does she cost!

Kenya Bailey: NOTHING SHE IS NOT A SEX SLAVE SHE IS PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck u Kenya: SHUT UP!

Big Ideas: Do u think I hav a chance with her? Cause if then SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kariah: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mariah: U GUYS EXPECT PRINCE, HEO, AND KENYA ARE GOOD PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT CHILD MOLESTERS!!!!!!!!!!

Hot: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Fring: I want to take u home all to my self!

The Drunk and a priest

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

One day there was a boy who needed the toilet. So he goes to his teacher and asks if he can go to the toilet. The teacher says "yes but before you go what is the first 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy replies " I don't know miss.... The teacher says that he will have to wait. Later the boy goes home to his mom that is on the phone. What is the first letter in the alphabet? His mom says "Oh shut up! So the boy goes to his dad that is playing darts and says "what is the second letter in the alphabet? His dad says "180"! So the boy goes to his sister who is playing with her Barbies. The boy asks "what is the 3rd letter in the alphabet"? The sister says " I'm a Barbie girl in a barbie world"! The next day the boy goes to school and needs the toilet again so he goes to ask if he can go and the teacher says " yes but before you go what is the 3 letters in the alphabet"? They boy says " oh shut up"! The teacher is angry about that so she says "what is the second one"? "180"! Says the boy and the teacher asks him where he is from and the boy says " I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world!"

The end

There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves. The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head". The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head". The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"