Short jokes
Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.
The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.
My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.
SELF HARM
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind...
...but it will allow ugly people to get laid.
Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
Why was the orphan stupid?
Because his parents couldn't guide him.
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.
Big, ugly, and very weird.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What’s the difference between Kendrick Lamar and an orphan?
He has family ties.
Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.
Everyone is able to be stupid, but you're just abusing the privilege.