Short jokes
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.
Me: And I don't speak idiot language.
You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."
Don't give up on your dreams...
Keep sleeping.
Windows could not connect to the Internet, would you like to search online for a solution to this problem?
My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.
And they're off!
"Alexa, open Kahoot!"
The dark side of kid songs:
You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!
Waiter: "Here you go, one medium-rare steak."
Me: "I like it well done."
Waiter: "Thanks, that means a lot!"
What was JFK's favorite school TV show?
BrainPop.
I took a plane to go see my hairline.
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.
He was saying jokes, and someone said, "You are on a roll!"
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
What is the best thing about being back?
Free bullets.
I am your leader.
Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?
A: All the rice is gone.