Short jokes

Short jokes

Kid

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

Mom

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.

Barber

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.

Cashier

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.

Eye

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind...

...but it will allow ugly people to get laid.

Cell

Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.

Jail

Me: Hi Jacob!

Jacob: Hi.

Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!

Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH

Year

Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?

A: He was in a mid-life crisis.

Orphan

What’s the difference between Kendrick Lamar and an orphan?

He has family ties.