Short jokes

What has tree roots and what do I have for kids? What is the difference between a human and a used tire?

Tree roots are under the tree, and used tires are under the Hummer.

Why did the octopus cross the road?

To get to the douchebag's house.

Knock knock.

(It's the octopus.)

Wanna know something funny?

Me, because I'm funny looking.

Your mom so ugly that Paul Walker died.

Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.

What time is it when you need to go to the toilet?

Two-ply!

I did not.

Nancy be like, "Don't do drugs, do cock!"

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

*slaps* "We ask ze questions!"

Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a haunted house......

And came back out with a job application, then that ran away *CAUSE SHE'S A UGLY FUCK*

Mvccfffghhhhggv.

I went to the orphans to paint a picture of their parents so they can actually talk to them.

If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.

W ffseetyhggghjoi.

What is tyyyyyyyyu?

What is playing with you?

"F***, Jesus ate his stinky ass."

I saw a lady in a bikini on the beach, so I walked up to her and said, "LET ME STICK MY DICK UP YOUR BIG ASS!"

Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?

Because their computers flashed, "Virus blocked!"

Ever looked at a cemetery and thought, wow, Heaven and Hell must be crowded?