Short jokes
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"
If I called you gay, you would probably hit me with your purse.
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
Question: How bad is German WiFi?
Answer: It's the wurst.
Roses are red, your penis is blue, the bed sheet has turned a different color, too.
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo?
A selfie.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
One day a cow ate a fish.
What came out the other side?
A dead fish.
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.