Short jokes
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
Why is James depressed?........ because he's a bitch.
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
How do you get a baby into a small bowl?
A blender.
How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
"Rape[is] the only sign of world peace in this life."
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
What do you call a rare fart in Egypt? A toot uncommon!
What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.
What do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
"Whole November month, sniper lessons available in Dallas U.S.?"
Anybody know a girl named Candice? She just added me on snap.