Short jokes
"Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan mosque." Damn, that's a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.
Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.
Son: Okay, I'll do it!
5 hours later...
Son: I'm done!
Dad: I lied.
Son: So did I!
They tried to make me laugh, but I was already DYING.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"
He said, "Dogs."
I said, "Why?"
He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."
Q: What do you use on your tuba when it breaks?
A: Tuba-glue.
We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"
An Asian student was learning logarithm in class. He wrote down his name after the question. The teacher asked why. He replied, "My class ID is number 1."
Wanna hear a joke?
No, I'm already looking at one.
Why could dinosaurs not talk? Because they were dead.
Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).
If I grew a nanometer taller for every 2/10 woman expecting a 6’3”+ guy, I would be considered attractive.💀
Your hairline's so far back even Bill Nye the Science Guy couldn't use photosynthesis to fix it.
I'm looking for the bartender.
Person named Bart:
I heard that the World Orphan Organization has a sponsor... DC Comics.
I would make a joke about Silver the Hedgehog... but it's no use!
What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?
You die of laughter.
My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:
I got it from her when I was born.