Short jokes
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.
I’d make a rape joke, but I don't wanna force that on you too.
Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair.
It has feathers. LOL.
What does NASA stand for?
Neil Armweak Sorry Armstrong.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.
It was a Risk I was willing to take.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."
Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.
I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.
What is Helen Keller's son's name? Hrrrrrrr.