Short jokes
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
Your butt is bigger than Uranus!
Why does NASA only serve Coke?
Because they can't get Seven-Up!
For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.
Don't bully.
Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?
Ripping it off with a kick!
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
Then: You want free candy?
Now: You want free Wi-Fi?
What do you call a mushroom that makes music?
A decomposer.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.
Like this if you are in foster care.
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
Kyle's penis is small.
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To run away from the Pakistani.