Short jokes
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
Why does Michael Jackson like football, baseball, and tennis? Because of the "balls".
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
These posts are brutal; they're leaving nothing left standing.
You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.
Is it possible to stutter in sign language?
Yes, it’s called Parkinson’s.
109 countries can't be wrong. Watch Europa: The Last Battle.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
What do you call a Greek necrophiliac?
Con Fuckacarcass.