Short jokes
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital? Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
What do you call a vagina with teeth?
A vicious cunt.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
Cheese.
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
My grandpa was a great pilot, but he died on September 11, 2001.
Are you my pantry? Because you look like a snack ;)
Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!
Harry Potter has an invisibility cloak, I have family.
Why do people hate math? They always get hungry while learning about the pie chart.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Control freak.
Con...
Ok, now you say, "Control freak who?"
When you see an "Autistic child zone" sign and say, "Oh! That wasn't a dog."
According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
What makes it cold in a room? Air conditioning.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What did an orange say the day before going to work?
"Back to the rind!"
How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”