Short jokes
What is one plus one?
It's TOO hard!
I have a girlfriend.
Why is Beast Boy so good at flying?
Terra hasn't forgiven him.
My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.
What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?
Bored games.
I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"
What is a monkey’s 🐒 favorite dance move?
The banana 🍌 split.
How do you start a fight in space?
"Comet me, bro."
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
I can hear the whole world booing me.
What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance.
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Why is Sunday better than Monday?
Because Monday is a weak day.
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
Yo mama is so skinny, she makes friends with a snake.
A boy and girl are fucking. The girl yells "Senpai!" The boy smiles, pleased, but then her father walks in and says "What?"
What did the Asian say to the Asian?
*Cough*
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."