Short jokes
How do you start a fight in space?
"Comet me, bro."
What is one plus one?
It's TOO hard!
My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.
What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?
Bored games.
What is a monkey’s 🐒 favorite dance move?
The banana 🍌 split.
I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
I can hear the whole world booing me.
Why did an Indian cross the road?
To take a shit.
Yo mama is so skinny, she makes friends with a snake.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
What is stuck between a doorway?
Rebel Wilson.
Why is Sunday better than Monday?
Because Monday is a weak day.
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
A boy and girl are fucking. The girl yells "Senpai!" The boy smiles, pleased, but then her father walks in and says "What?"
Fuck the Green Bay Packers!
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
What do you call an ex-lesbian?
A clitter quitter.
What’s the best form of contraception?
Being a soccer fan.