Short jokes
I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
Why do orphans love blowjobs?
Because they actually get kissed!
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
When are you from Alabama? You know!!! 🐩
People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.
God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?
In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?
My dick.
What is the difference between a comedian and a clown?
A comedian leads Ukraine, and a clown leads America.
I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.
Okay not a depression joke but... what’s worse than 10 babies in 1 bucket?
1 baby in 10 buckets.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the COVID-19 patients to stay positive.
If you're gay, then what the f*** are you doing trying to walk straight?
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?
One makes your day and one makes your whole week.
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.