Short jokes
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you told them twice.
Are you a highway? Because I wanna lay on you.
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
I love Little Mix.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye, matey!
Trees are just bushes with lift kits.
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
Me: I saw your parents yesterday.
Orphan girl: Where?
Me: The coffin was still open.
Andrew drew a picture of Andrew.
Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."
Actor 2: "Where's the b?"
Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"
What is stuck between a doorway?
Rebel Wilson.
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an African baby?
A pair of jeans only has 1 fly.
Why did the African win the food eating contest?
Beginner's luck.
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
Why did an Indian cross the road?
To take a shit.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
How do you start a fight in space?
"Comet me, bro."
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.