Short jokes
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?
When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.
What's the difference between Obama and Trump?
Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!
What’s the most annoying thing about licking bald pussy?
Putting the damn nappy back on afterwards...
Hey, you might want to look at your butt because there's something coming out of Uranus.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
Are the three little pigs orphans because their mom kicked them out of the house?
What do you use to strap an eagle's nest together?
An eagle-lastic band!
A cow was walking down the road, and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky, so it said, "That is an a-moo-zing cloud!"
Why can’t orphans build computers?
They don’t know where to put the motherboard.
Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.
Why did Helen Keller walk in on someone in the bathroom?
Because she didn’t know it was the bathroom.
When you throw paper at a hill, you can say, "Hey, look, it is like Kobe's helicopter!"
Why don't you see gay people in wheelchairs?
Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.
If an athlete gets athlete's foot... What does an astronaut get? Mistletoe!
Inmate 1: Why are you in prison?
Inmate 2: I killed 4 people and robbed someone, what about you?
Inmate 1: I blew up a school bus.
Inmate 2: OMG, you demon! Were they autistic?
Inmate 1: No, they were Fortnite kids.
Inmate 2 (who is Muslim): Halelouia, we have found the messiah!