What the difference between an Irish wedding and a Irish funeral, one less drunk.
What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy
I screamed Jenga today in class where watching a 911 documentary
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…
It was tense.
Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
What do fish 🐟 take to stay healthy ?
Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.
I can count the number of times I’ve been to Chernobyl on one hand. – It’s seven.
Suicide is illegal because it’s a crime to destroy government property.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital? Reload and keep shooting
If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?
My mom told me drugs are my enemies… but Jesus said to love your enemies
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Teacher: Is anyone missing.
Students: Your Parents
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? When he asked who the best composer was they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
Because it’s sea food.
What do you call a orphans family reunion?
“How is your long distance relationship going?” – “So far, so good.”