Short jokes
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
Why did the scientist want to take off his doorbell?
Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
What made me laugh?
The fact that my life is a joke."
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.
What's a lesbian's favorite sport? Dodgeball.
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.