Short jokes
I hate myself.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
What kind of dreams do hotels have?
Suite dreams.
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?
The orphanage.
Roses are red.
My soul is black.
I am never getting my dad back.
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
What do you call a high school student?
Alone and depressed.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.