Short jokes
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
If I die, delete my search history.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
🤔
American Communist Lawyers Union.
what is the fastest country? iran.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.