Short jokes

To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.

What's an orphan's favorite movie?

"Home Alone."

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

You give them a Sandy Hook.

What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?

A trash can behind the cancer ward.

I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.

Why are orphanages like dogs?

Because they get adopted.

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.

What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?

Nothing.

How many babies do you need to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)

Damn bro, are you Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?

Cuz you be lookin AuTiSTiC.

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.

What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?

With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.

What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?

A 9mm.

What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?

Ask Boeing.

What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?

They both have something hanging in their closet.

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

Proof that 9/11 isn't a government plot.

It worked.

1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.

You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?

Both end up getting cut.