Short jokes
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
The depressed kid getting bullied.
The bully: "You are useless."
The depressed kid: "I know."
What is a pedophile's favorite song?
Jerking off in A minor.
What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?
"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
Why can't an orphan play Family Feud? Because it has to have a family.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
Once I saw a mirror... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost.
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
Did you know cannibals ate KFC?
Kentucky Fried Children.
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.
What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.