Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?
Short Jokes
Why couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.
It didn't land too well.
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.
An emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five... the tree left her hanging.
Do you know why the Japanese have squinted eyes? Because nukes are bright.
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
What is long and not hairy?
The conga line in the cancer department.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
