My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.
Short Jokes
What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?
They both leave you hanging.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice.
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.
