Short jokes
What did the dad say to the kid?
"U got to be kidding me."
Why did the chicken cross the road? To help Stephen Hawking cross!
Stephen Hawking died because he got hit by a RAM.
(Bob holds Deric's neck)
Deric: "Water, what are you doing?"
What do you call a bad pun?
The pun is not punny!
See, I was always told puns are funny.
But I can see now they aren't punny.
How do bees get to school?
They take the buzz.
What do you call cringe?
You.
*Shrek* Bend ogre.
What's the difference between cars and grass?
They both have wheels, except for the grass.
Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother has diabetes.
If nine is a number, then why on Earth is not "ja" a number?
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
What was the guy with no arms, legs, or a head name?
Matt.
What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.
What do you call a fish with a temper?
Undyne.
What do you call your mom when she goes into the shower?
A shower ma! (shawarma)
One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.
"Emmy and Thomas sitting in a tree."
When do you take a cow to the movies?
On a mooo-vie!