Short jokes
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Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.
At night, before I got in bed with my girl, I had 206 bones, but I developed a 207th bone.
Waiter says, "Sir, we ran out of ranch, so I had the boys in the back improvise. But don't worry... It has even more zip & twang to it!"
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.
Why does Samsung sell TVs? 'Cause they make them! 😂🤣
Joe Mama!
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
What do you call an old snowman?
Answer: Water.
What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
Me: Hi Kallen.
Kallen: Hi.
Me: You're too big to fit in my car.
Did you know Stephen Hawking died in a game? The game was Happy Wheels.
What does a homeless man call his mother?
Useless.
Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.
Me: I can only see fat.
If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?
You know sex is better than logic, but I could've proved it...
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s assault!