The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
Short Jokes
I once went to the bar for a pint, but the strippers there didn't have that much breast milk.
Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"
Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"
Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)
What kind of bus is yellow? A school bus driver.
Why did Anna give Carson a blowjob?
He made her.
What do you call a dog with no tail?
A tail-less dog.
I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
What time does the man go to the bank?
8 AM.
Who did Stephen call when he crashed?... The geek squad.
How did Steven Hawking die?
His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.
What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?
Ruberto
Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?
It's ok, he didn't either!
I'm serious, what's a "dad?"
I ain’t a chicken, but I ate a duck before.
How do you cook macaroni? With a shark-spoon-a-rooni!
What did the American say to the Russian?
"Why are you always Russian?"
What’s the difference between an Englishman and a unicorn?
Nothing.
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, would he go to hospital or Curry's PC World?
Trump.