Short jokes
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!
Why did the computer go to bed?
It needed to crash.
What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Summer wasn't too bad either.
"Yo mama's so fat that when she farts, Al Gore accuses her of global warming."
What is 9+9? 18.
What is 9+10? 19.
What is 9+11? -2996.
9/11 wasn’t the date, it was the score.
Inflation is so bad, McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.
I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
"Sigma" - By every boy in my class.
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
I’m breaking up with you, bitch.
What do rappers like cantaloupe?
Because they’re always dropping fresh MELON!
Why was the rapper always the first one at the party?
Because he never missed a beat!
Why don't rappers ever play baseball?
Because they're too busy dropping hits!