Short jokes
I have a heart, alright. I just happen to see a mere hollow shell of one coming from you.
Your insults are like a blank bullet: a stupid and harmless joke.
I just got a taste of Kingston, Ontario's only transgender restaurant: 664 Bath. A Dairy Queen who used to be a Burger King.
What is harder than steel?
My cousin at the family reunion.
"Where did you learn to do bookkeeping?"
"Yale."
"And what was your name again?"
"Yackson."
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
I had an operation on my knee, but it was a joint effort.
A termite walks into the bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four—one to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
What do you get from a co-worker with epilepsy for being accused of harassment? A "seize" and desist letter.
What do Michael Vick and John Wick have in common?
Got into deep shit when it came to dogs.
What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?
They both have very little air to breathe.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
Tiger Woods is a lion cheetah. He took a wife and seventeen mistresses because he just had to play all eighteen holes.
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They wait for it to turn itself in.
What song is the most annoying for a Serb?
Sweet Home Alabama (because it sounds like Sweet Home Albania)!
What do you call a talentless Korean person? Us Lee Less!
I was looking forward to my date with this paraplegic girl, but she stood me up.