Short jokes

When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.

Just do it.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

"Say what you want about the deaf."

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?

Because there were no more planes.

What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!

It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!

Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.