Short jokes
Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.
There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.
It's a canariel disease, untweetable.
Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."
What is your favorite amendment? A rapper.
Once I got one so big, they were going to make 9/11 2.0!
Hey, let’s go, we are heading for the Towers!
Wait, what?
Call 911!
Where can you find the most dads?
Milk Island.
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
How do you get rid of a fat ghost? You exercise it.
You're so poor, you like postcards for food.
You're so poor. You're just PO, you can't even afford the other O and R.
Why did the booger cross the nose?
Answer: To get to the other hole.
Roses are red, violets are not lime, if you turn around, I will fist you anytime.
The Philthydelphia Eagles.
That's it. That's the joke.
Say my name if you like "Breaking Bad."
What do you call a batter in a hot air balloon?
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
Teddy bear, teddy bear, turn around.
Why I turn around?
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