Short jokes
My mom said, "Hey, come over here."
I responded, "Too late, Mom!"
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.
What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
What shouldn't you ask an emo?
"Do a wrist reveal."
Why are my students so naughty?
Stand in the corner.
Why didn't the octopus get a tent? Because it had tentacles.
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.
What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?
Wasted.
What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?
They both be flying??
What did the cupcake tell its frosting?
I’d be muffin without you.
Peter's playtime.
You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
My dick harder than stone, man.
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.
Helen Keller def faked it.
Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.