Short jokes
What happens if a boy bumps into a dog?
It’s a bumper team.
I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.
Peter: Curses!
Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Peter: *Crying*
Jacob: Why are you crying?
Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*
What do you call a house with no one living inside?
An orphan house.
What state starts with an "a a lama"?
My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."
Why does the emo kid skip class?
There was a kid sitting in a corner.
Me: "Hey! Why are you here at an orphanage?"
Orphan: "..."
Me: "Oh, wait, you're an orphan."
The reason your dad never came back with the milk is 'cause he ran 88 mph downhill.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
QoS.
QoS who?
QoS there me me who me and you.
If Stephen Hawking was a boxer, he would roll with the punches.
Stephen Hawking is to wheelchairs like Uncle Ben is to rice.
If Carlsberg did wheelchairs...
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite line in Rambo?
"Don't push me."
Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.
I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?
"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"
What Stephen Hawking doesn't know about wheelchairs isn't worth knowing.
Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?
Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.