Short jokes
"Ugly kid, I feel ugly."
"Me? You don't have feel ugly, you already ugly."
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
787 bowing.
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.
Why did a school shooter get banned from a game server?
He was caught aimbotting.
When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...
But they know you're blind.
Friends, gather here.
Samantha, Josephine, Stevie, Jess, Alice, and Alex.
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?
"Wow, Harry!"
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.