Short jokes

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is the postman's favorite fruit?

Water-mail-on.

I posted on my Facebook account that you have a picture on Facebook.

I always press the stop button to see you.

Yo mama so fat, she broke the stairs to heaven.

Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.

So Steven Hawking walks into a bar...

Just kidding!

Hi dude!

My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.

Yesterday I had a party.

I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.

I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!

When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.

My brother went missing 5 years ago. He also supported TRUMP. He is currently dead in my basement in a chest in a cupboard.

What do you call a flying pig?

Fiction.

I love orphans. They're precious.

What is the best way to make a leaf?

Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."

Fiancee: "Break a leg!"

2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.

2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.

What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"

61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69... mouthwash.