Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
Short Jokes
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
You pecan do it!
Do you like my a-corn-y jokes?
What is sticky, but it cannot stick a stick?
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
Why did a school shooter get banned from a game server?
He was caught aimbotting.
Friends, gather here.
Samantha, Josephine, Stevie, Jess, Alice, and Alex.
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
