Short jokes
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Which nut is worth the most? A cashew.
What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
Your mama so fat that’s why Hulk gets big.
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Why do orphans watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?
Answer: Oogie Boogie is ugly, so they want to be ugly.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
I thought I had the best K/D ratio in my fighter jet on Battlefield, then I heard about Mohammed Atta.
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
What did the horses say to the donkeys?
"Jackasses, please like!"
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?
Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
I got jealous when my phone died.
Never let an orphan watch Fast and the Furious.
All they will talk about is how great their family is.
What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?
At least Daniel has a mom.