Short jokes
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
There's a Mexican, Brazilian, and Cuban in a S60. Who's driving?
What do you call a bald person on fire?
A fried egg.
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?
At least the mountain has two hills.
Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!
Don't you feel an empty feeling...
IN YOUR SKULL!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
What do super fancy music conductors wear?
A Louis baton.
I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.
The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.
That is just plain wrong.
What is a disabled person's favorite type of comedy? Sit-down comedy!
I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.
Bro, I gotta tell you a joke.
Nevermind, it's too cheesy!
Why was the cheese always so confident? Because it had such a "gouda" self-image.
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.